I wanted to write about something a little different today; the idea that life and everything is so much better once you're in a new country. It's something that's really been on my mind for quite a while, and it's a thought that I've definingly been guilty of having in the past (and still sometimes now). So what exactly am I talking about?
I have the sense that most of us, if not all, has at some point in our life thought how amazing it would be to be able to pack up and move. Whether to a new country, a new place in our home country, or even just to a new area. This might go along with the idea that global North countries just function better, have more opportunities, or that things will change once you're in a different area. Whatever the reason might be, whether economical, political, or just trying to get away from an old life, we seldom think that a new place won't be worth it or won't change some aspect of our life. I raise these questions because I've really been thrown into a completely new experience, one which I definitely wanted and fought for, but nonetheless am now experiencing. I've always felt like I didn't completely belong where I was and that there just wasn't a space for me, it didn't give me that feeling of 'I can plan out a future here and I know what to do'. I thought that if I'd have the chance to see other places and experience new things that I'd start to find that space or get that feeling - and to an extent that's definitely true and has happened here. On the other hand I wanted to give a little glimpse into the reality of actually going through this process and all the down sides that come with the amazing experience and opportunities.
It's lonely, really lonely. It hurts so much to be in such an incredible area and to experience it alone. The excitement you had before of going out and exploring almost disappears because there's no one to share it with. Although you still go out and live your life everyday, there's never a moment where I haven't though that I'd love to show my friend this and talk about what happened, or see a poster and think I'd wish I could go to this with my sister, or mom or dad. And yes, you make new friends and you're never really alone, it just not the same or has the same depth to it. After a while the days seem to get a little longer and you stop seeing the beautiful things around you that you use to take pictures of. You stop looking for exciting things do to over the weekends and you don't go out late anymore. It just becomes normal life again, the same life you lived before.
I know this sounds really depressing, but it's a part of the process and I wanted a reminder that it's okay to want more - it's okay to miss friends, and family, and part of the old routine. It's okay to feel like you want to go home. Most importantly I think it's also necessary to have these feelings. There's sometimes such a push from social media where we see other people's lives and think they have everything, especially if they've moved to a new country. It's almost as if we've been ingrained with the idea that someone has 'made it' because they were able to 'get out', and that's simply not the case. We need a reminder that just because we post beautiful pictures and go on trips doesn't mean life is better. Those trips are amazing because of the people we travel with and dedicate our time to. Moving across the world might be difficult in terms of admin, but the really difficult thing is to truly live your life wherever you are, and you get to decide what that means. Does it mean dedication to your work and leaving the life you had behind, does it mean wanting to be with people you love and who loves you, or does it mean complete independence and self-reliance? Whatever it is, I really believe it's the people you choose to choose your life with that makes it worthwhile to be or go anywhere.
There's this Adam Sandler snl sketch that my brain always comes back to where he's an Italian tour guide reminding people that if you're sad at home, you'll be sad in Italy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbwlC2B-BIg). There isn't some quick fix for changing your life, it needs to take place from the inside out.
All this to say that what people project on social media and what our ideas of living abroad are, are not the full reality. Life is the same everywhere until you choose what type of life you want to have - commit to the decisions you make, accept who you are, don't regret your past, and choose the right people who truly care and make a difference in your life. We so often sacrifice ourselves for other around us because we think that's what's best when in reality people haven't asked or expected it.
This post might be a little all over the place, but it's a little self reminder of what's important and a re-evaluation of asking the question about what type of life you want to have and those you want to spend it with.
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